Styled. // 05

Way back in my first ever photography class, we had a book filled with the photography masters of the 20th century, and on the cover was one of Bert Stern's iconic photos of Marilyn Monroe from The Last Sitting. I loved those photos so much. The colorfulness, the dreaminess, the simpleness...

So I pulled out a sheer scarf, and set my camera on a tripod. I set out with this styled series to collaborate with other artists and creatives, but I was too nervous to ask anyone to do this for me. And I've been meaning to step in front of my camera anyway, without anyone around, to get a feel for what it's like, what works, and what looks awkward. The outtakes from this need to be burned, but there are a few that felt right. It's different in so many ways from what Bert Stern did with Marilyn, but then again, that's just the way it should be.

This concept would also make a really awesome boudoir session...if anyone's interested :0).

Second Shooter // 04

Earlier this week, I got to actually hang out with Dani - as in, not just to do work. We got some really yummy sushi (I tried eel for the first time and can say that I like it much better when it doesn't look like eel) and talked about some photography things and some not photography things, and it was totally awesome because she is a super fun person. Making new friends is a really good thing.

Another good thing was seeing how my photos fit in with hers when she puts everything together for her brides and grooms. Sometimes when I go through the photos from a wedding as the second photographer, it can be a little lackluster because I feel like I only have part of the story. And, it turns out, that's exactly how it should be. It means that I am capturing the details and the little side stories and when everything gets put together, it feels really complete and looks absolutely beautiful.

So this goofy guy below was my boyfriend for the day (shh...don't tell Ben). When it was time for him to walk down the aisle with the rings, he found me on the side and took my hand and I almost thought I was going to have to walk down with him...but fortunately his mom saved the day and saved me from becoming an impromptu member of the wedding party - the ring bearer's escort.

Happy Friday and enjoy the weekend!!

Ten Years in Pictures

I feel strange being sentimental about this day. In some ways, it's no longer our "anniversary," now that we're married and have to start counting the years all over again. And in some ways, it will always be our anniversary. Ten years ago today, I met Ben at a movie theater in a sketchy mall and spent the next three hours half-paying attention to an X-Men movie and desperately wishing he would hold my hand.

He didn't, but fortunately that wasn't a deal breaker. I was more comfortable around him than any other boy I had dated-but-not-dated (you know, the kind you went out with, but didn't really do anything with outside of school and a phone call here and there), and I was happy to preserve that close familiarity in the name of friendship than give it up for an awkwardness that would surely ruin whatever it was that this was turning into.

And I consider us so lucky that it did turn into something, and that we made the effort to keep that something going - because I can't imagine the past ten years without this amazingly funny, considerate, selfless person by my side. We always fight over who is the reacher and who is the settler, and I don't care what he says, I am most certainly the reacher. Because he is with out a doubt everything I admire in another human being and absolutely my best friend.

The Un-Styled Shoot

When my business coach told me that I should start doing weekly personal projects (which I have dubbed The Styled Series), my first response was, But I'm afraid I'm going to fail. Meaning, what happens if I take crappy pictures and my idea just doesn't turn out? 

I think she assured me that I wouldn't. But four weeks into the adventure, I did.

I don't like admitting this. It's really uncomfortable to share this with the world. I usually try to see the silver lining, and salvage what I can, but there were hardly any salvageable images…really only a story. It sucks when you plan something, put in time and effort, and for a variety of reasons, it just doesn't work out. You feel like you wasted time and resources, you feel like you're not good enough, and disappointment sets in.

So here's the story: one of my project ideas was to do a shoot with colored gulal (aka holi) powder, but when I started researching it, buying the stuff seemed to be unrealistic in terms of time, money, and intention. Most of it comes from India, so it takes several weeks to arrive and is therefore expensive, on top of generally being bad for your skin because of the chemicals in the pigments. Being no stranger to DIY, I decided to make colored powder myself using cornstarch, water, and food coloring…and every cooking tray in our kitchen, much to Ben's delight. After mixing five different colors, I set them out to dry in the sun for a week. Except that it wasn't very sunny, and in fact, it rained several days and was very humid. But it seemed that the water had evaporated enough because the colored cornstarch was powdery enough, so I packed it up and took it to Georgetown for a photo shoot with a very wonderful, kind and accommodating friend who was super excited to play around with it and get messy.

But upon throwing it into the air, it became very obvious that it wasn't going to work. The beauty of gulal powder is how it spreads through the air and leaves a colored plume behind for a few moments before fading into the atmosphere. My homemade version just clumped and fell fast to the earth, barely leaving a trace of color. We tried a couple of times, but ultimately decided that it was still too wet and was not going to give the gorgeous intended colored effect. So we played around a little more, but I went home with nothing to work with.

On my way home through Friday afternoon DC traffic, I called Ben, dejected. I had spent a whole day executing this shoot - no really, a whole week, planning and working on putting this shoot together - and it turned out nothing. I really and truly felt like the worst photographer ever. Because I have always prided myself on being able to make something good out of almost any situation, I questioned whether I had given up too soon and what the heck I was going to use for this week's styled shoot. But this is why my husband is awesome: he said that even though it hadn't worked, he was still really proud of me. That right there was enough to start the waterworks, and yet he went on. He said he wished that he had the determination to take on personal projects and pour himself into something and make it happen - but it takes a lot of effort, so he usually just stops at the idea. And even if it didn't work out, at least I was still doing something and following my dream. 

I swear, this is why I married him. Sometimes, he just knows exactly what to say.

I recently heard somewhere (and I wish I could remember where) that when we are faced with a task that is outside our comfort zone, we usually ask What happens if I fail?  and we think about the possibilities and we scare ourselves out of doing it. But the real question we should be asking is What's worth doing even if I fail? In my heart, I know that although they take thought and effort to put together and come with the risk of not working out, my personal projects are helping me grow into a better photographer. And if my pride is really the only casualty of a failed shoot, then I'm still getting more out of the experience than sitting on my bum waiting for fate to turn me into the next big thing.

I love, love, love the idea behind this shoot, so I'm not throwing in the towel on the idea just yet. It's just taking a little longer to complete than I originally intended. As I was telling a friend about the powder, she suggested putting it in the oven to remove the moisture (an idea that had occurred to me earlier, except that I hadn't come up with a better drying mechanism than a hair dryer, which for obvious reasons was not going to work. I'm always seeing zebras instead of horses), which worked brilliantly. And I also decided to be extra prepared for the next time I try and saved a whole bunch of powder from our day at the Color Run - which I am positive will do exactly what I have in mind. 

So I am sorry to disappoint anyone who was excited about seeing a styled shoot today, but in the long run, I probably learned just as much from this one-that-got-away as I have from any of the others that worked out. And be on the lookout for attempt number two, which, with any luck, will be brilliant.

Newly.wed // 04

I operate on a currency of gold stars. The sticky kind that you can buy at the grocery store and that my mom always gave me to put on my chore chart when I completed important tasks. In my adult world now, they are imaginary, but I still get that same surge of pride when Ben tells me that I can have my gold star, and he always smiles to himself when I tell him that he's done something to earn one, so I know he appreciates them too.

It's not meant to be a competition, so we don't keep track of who has the most gold stars. But it is our way of acknowledging the other and giving them props for a job well done. For meeting an important goal or accomplishing a major task. Or for doing something that we know was not easy to do, something that took courage or guts. Sometimes we'll even ask for a gold star (and sometimes it's a cookie instead of a gold star, but the intention is the same), to let the other know that we need to feel like what we did was good and that it mattered. 

Acknowledgement is something that we forget to do for the people we love, but is so important to letting them know they are appreciated. It tells them that you value their contributions, that they are worthy, and that someone else notices their efforts. You've earned a gold star is our way of saying, simply, hey you, I think you did something awesome and what you did is worth something special.

We definitely exchanged gold stars this past weekend after getting smurfed at the Color Run. And for crossing off Run a 5k from the list of things we wanted to do this year together.

Second Shooter // 03

I love the end of April and early May when the flowering trees are in bloom...it is a serious source of happiness, just to have color back in my life after so much gray for months on end before.

Having a wedding under those trees...dreamy. Also I love details. And as the second photographer, it's ALL about the details, from the pieces of the wedding handmade by the bride to the look shared between the bride and her groom in a moment stolen away from the rest of the crowd.

And to wrap up the love fest, I love Dani for letting me come along for the ride!

Super excited to be visiting Georgetown today and Baltimore tomorrow for some amazing photo ops and a fabulously fun 5k...you better believe there's going to be some colorful pictures to come!

Styled // 04

I remember some days back in elementary school where we would get off the school bus and sit down in the deep spring green grass and pull up clover to make flower crowns and rub dandelions all over our faces like little-girl makeup. I'm sure we looked putrid, with our cheeks and foreheads and eyelids all swiped with an unnaturally brilliant yellow, but we were convinced it made us beautiful. And then a few days later, when the dandelions had changed from a bright yellow to a wispy, cottony white, we'd pluck what was left from the lawn and blow with all of our might...scattering the plumes, which we didn't understand at the time were actually seeds, all over the yard, much to the chagrin of our parents who had spent good money to remove the weeds in the first place.

I like to think of this as an ode to those carefree days.