The Experience: Wedding Day Timelines

If there's one thing you should know in advance about your wedding, it's that what everyone says is true. It flies by and after it's over, you'll wonder where it went and what exactly you did.

I wish that I could tell you that there was another way. I'd love to say that I was able to savor all of the moments that I'd dreamed of my whole life on  our wedding day, that I'll always remember our first kiss as husband and wife, what words were spoken during our ceremony, the moment I first saw my husband in all of his wedding day handsomeness. So many of those wonderful things have faded from my memories of our wedding, the way they actually happened. But there are two things that I remember clearly and hope to never forget: our first dance, and our first look.

In the months of planning that took place before the big day, there were a lot of compromises that we made, some for better, some for worse (although it all turned out okay in the end). But the two things I refused to let go of were the two things that, at the end of the day, I smiled every time I thought about them. When it comes to your wedding day timeline, don't let your caterer, your photographer, your deejay, your event planner, or anyone else stop you from making the time to savor the pieces of your day that are the most important to you and arrange your day accordingly. They are on your team and should be able to make adjustments to make sure that your day is perfect for you.

Keeping that in mind, here are a few suggestions for making your timeline:

Decide what's important. Talk to your fiancee about what you are most looking forward to on your wedding day. The items you list should give you an idea of what matters to you. For me, it was the pictures and our first dance. In light of that, I made sure that we planned our day around the natural light (since our photographer relied on that to do her job), including having our ceremony at sunset and leaving a full hour for pictures of just the two of us. We also decided to choreograph our first dance, and put it at a place in the timeline where we could make sure that we had everyone's full attention. To someone else, rocking it out at the reception might be the most exciting part of their day, so leaving plenty of hours for dancing and putting together an amazing wedding playlist would be top priority. 

Communicate your vision. Once you determine what makes you excited about your wedding, communicate this to your vendors. This helps them tailor their services to your perfect day. They should be able to give you ideas of how quickly they can get something done if there's a need, and should help to ensure that your timeline goes as planned on the day of. Additionally, they can help you put together the logistics of your vision, which will take a lot of the pressure off of you to figure everything out. Having a wedding coordinator for this can be a godsend, because they can do a lot of this communication for you - delegating equals less stress for you!

Put together a plan. Two weeks before your wedding is a good time to put together a tentative timeline with all participants and vendors included. That's enough time to send it to everyone and request feedback to make sure that all parties are aware of their roles and make sure they can perform their duties in the time allotted. Let them know that you will send out a final timeline within the week before the wedding (just not the day before!). When you're making the timeline, it can be easier to split the day in half by starting at the time of the ceremony and working backwards to the beginning of the day, and then from the end of the reception back to the ceremony. It's always better to start your day earlier than get to the end and realize you have to push the entire day back.

Sample. Here is a sample wedding timeline. It is not one size fits all, just a place to get started. If pictures are super important to you, do not leave any less than the suggested amounts of time for each group (and you can always allot more time if you want!). 

First. Start here and work backwards.

6:00p Ceremony starts

5:30p Wedding party is tucked away from guests, ready for ceremony

5:00p Family portraits start (30 minutes)

4:30p Bridal party portraits start (30 minutes)

3:45p Bride and Groom first look (45 minutes)

3:30p Bride and Groom leave (separately) in limo for ceremony site

3:00p Girls get dressed, Bride puts on dress

2:00p Guys arrive to get ready with groom

1:00p Girls arrive for pampering (hair and makeup) with Bride

Second. Do the other half, working backwards from the end of the reception.

10:30p Reception ends

10:00p Cake cutting, bouquet and garter toss

8:30p All dancing

8:15p First dance (and father-daughter, mother-son dances if included)

7:45p Toasts

7:00p Dinner served

6:30p Cocktails

Once you have the general outline in place, add in the start and end times for your vendors, so that they know exactly what to expect. 

For great photos, here are a few things to consider. This is the part where I tell you why it's important to consider your pictures when planning your timeline. If that's not your thing, then we can't be friends you can skip it (just kidding about the first part :0).

• Sunset (or sunrise) provides the BEST light for outdoor portraits. If you are having an outdoor ceremony and want to do portraits before, plan the ceremony for a half hour before sunset and photos just before that. If you are having an outdoor ceremony and want to do portraits after, plan the ceremony for an hour and a half before sunset, so that there is enough light for photos afterwards.
• Include travel time in the timeline when locations change. If this gets left out, the thing that gets cut is the time for your pictures.
• Make sure you have enough hours of photography coverage to capture everything that is important to you. The standard number of hours on the wedding day for most photographers is eight. Keep this in mind when setting your timeline, and if the entire wedding celebration cannot fit into eight hours, ask if they would be willing to extend your coverage. If that's not an option, it's okay to have them start a half hour to an hour later than "getting ready" begins, or leave the reception a little early, but know which photos are more important to you.

It all comes down to knowing what you want and then letting everything fall into place around that. Your wedding is one of the few times that is really, truly all about you, and that's the way it should be. Happy planning!

Photo taken while assisting Love Life Images.

The Experience: Wedding Family Portraits

Three days before our wedding, I sent out the following email:

Dear Wedding Party,

Here is some important info for making this THE BEST DAY EVER:

First, know where you are going. Here is the address to the wedding venue: 
6 Herndon Ave, Annapolis, MD 21403. 

Second, know who to call if you need help:

Courtney, the wedding coordinator, for wedding related events - 555-555-5555

Nancy, Anna's mom, for any other issues - 555-555-5555

Third, know where you need to be and when:

• Wedding party (bridesmaids and groomsmen) need to arrive at the venue at 4:15 so that you are ready for pictures at 4:30
• Family members need to arrive at the venue at 4:30 for pictures at 4:45
• Ushers - please arrive by 5:00 to make sure you are down with the seating plans and are ready to seat any early arriving guests by 5:15.
• Wedding party can wait in an upstairs room and take care of any last minute beauty needs from 5:30-6:00.

If you have any questions about who you are and when you are supposed to be somewhere, please let me know by the end of the day tomorrow. We cannot wait to see all of you!!!

Hugs,

Ben and Anna

I wasn't taking any chances on someone calling me on my wedding day, wondering what time they needed to be somewhere. That was the only day of my life that my phone has ever been separated from my person (let's talk about separation anxiety) and there would be nothing I could do to help if someone had tried to call me anyway. 

We opted to do all of our family portraits before our ceremony, which meant that if anyone was running late, there would be a delay and our ceremony might not start on time and probably be in the dark, since it was scheduled exactly for sunset. I should probably also note that all of the times I listed in that email were at least 15 minutes before I actually needed them to be there (and in my sister's, I made it a full hour, because we all know that she operates by a different clock than the rest of the world). It was important to my mom that we leave some time to get pictures of our families, and I didn't want to be missing my cocktail hour.

To your parents, your formal family pictures are probably the reason you hired a wedding photographer. These are the photos that live on in a frame on grandma's side table for years, a proud display of a beautiful family. And truth be told, it may be one of the only times in your adult life where your entire family is together for a picture and everyone looks their best (or tried to anyway). So maybe your parents aren't so crazy in wanting you set aside time on your wedding day to make these pictures happen. Here are some tips for making them run as smoothly as possible:

1. Timing // When you're planning your wedding timeline, it's a good idea to plan for family pictures to take place right before or right after the wedding ceremony. This is when most of the people who need to be IN the pictures are close by, and in a lot of cases, the ceremony setting provides a wonderful backdrop for the photos. If the bride and groom are open to seeing each other before the ceremony, taking pictures of families before the ceremony gives everyone more time at the cocktail hour to visit and party, however this is totally a personal preference. Otherwise, family pictures usually take place first thing after the ceremony, during the cocktail hour. Usually a half hour is enough time to capture all of the requested groups (yep, that means you - or your parents - get to pick who you want in your pictures), but if the groups are very large or there are more than ten groups to photograph, additional time should be allotted.

2. Choosing groups // At some point before you set up your timeline, it's a good idea to consult your immediate families to get a consensus on who needs to be in these formal photos. While you might not be too concerned with these photos, your mom or your groom's mom might want a say. But keep in mind, unless you want to be standing posed all night with a smile plastered on your face and your cheeks feeling the burn stronger by the second, the fewer the groups, the better. In most cases, there are probably only four or five essential groups per side of the family that need to be included. 

Bride's Parents

Bride's Siblings

Bride's Grandparents

Bride's Immediate Family + Grandparents

Groom's Parents

Groom's Siblings

Groom's Grandparents

Groom's Immediate Family + Grandparents

Of course, blended families can require an additional grouping or two or be more complicated (tell me about them…I know), and that is exactly the situation that may involve a little more time. In that case, it may also be beneficial to note who absolutely CANNOT be in a picture together to avoid any awkward or unpleasant situations. And, while it may be important to get a picture with just your sisters or a favorite aunt or family friend, those pictures can certainly be captured more candidly during the cocktail hour or reception - to give your smile a well-deserved break.

3. Rallying the troops // Aside from selecting the groups for photos, the biggest challenge is keeping everyone on deck which plays a major role in keeping the photos within the allotted amount of time. And when they go over the allotted amount of time, it can derail everything from the time the ceremony starts to how long we have for pictures of just the two of you. But it's so tempting for family members to go party when there's a cocktail hour happening…places to go and people to see. There are a few things we can do together to make this easier. First, let everyone who needs to be in these pictures know ahead of time when they will be taken, what time and where to meet. Assure them that they will have time to grab a cosmo or a scotch as soon as the photos are done. Second, knowing names makes it much easier to call groups, so providing the names of the people in the group with the list of groupings is super-de-dooper helpful. Third, I will try to make it as painless on everyone as possible by doing all of one side of the family in one fell swoop - so that when they are done, they can head over to the party. 

So there you have it…how to have quick, pain-free, and timely group portraits on your wedding day. Next week's tricky task simplified…planning your timeline.

PS. Yes, you may borrow my awesome email to send to your wedding party. Consider it a favor.